The Beginning of Our Story
Back in the eighties, in Hamburg, Germany, I felt a strong desire to get to know America for one year and to learn English.
I was 43 when I arrived in February of 1990 in San Diego. I had contacted a family who was interested in hosting me for one year as the nanny of their two-year old son and housekeeper/cook.
I had picked the nicest family in town, the only thing missing in my life was a boyfriend. So I announced my request to the Universe to send me a boyfriend. Three weeks later he showed up.
I had put an ad in the paper looking to connect with readers of the Seth books by Jane Roberts. For years it had been my desire to one day be able to read the Seth books in English.
So Jim responded that he knows all about Seth and that we should meet. On April 29, 1990 when he came into my life, I was quite attracted by his incredible blue eyes. But I remember thinking that the beard has to go. Jim had brought his Urantia book to show me the references to Seth.
After two hours Jim said let’s marry and build our love…
So the next day I told Janet and Bruce, my wonderful host family, that I’ve fallen in love and that he wants to marry me. Janet said let’s meet him and order a pizza. They sure liked him and Janet told me that Jim is a good-looking guy. They became witness to our entire story.
Jim’s 40th birthday was upcoming on May 16, 1990, and Janet told me the 40th is celebrated in America as a person’s major birthday. So I went to his apartment and surprised him with 40 red roses.
Jim had an age-old Honda motorbike and I was horrified being the pillion rider on the freeway. I wanted us to have a car, so I made a down-payment for buying an old car for Jim to drive so that we could explore San Diego.
Three days later I withdrew from buying the car. Several situations had shown that Jim was very unreliable. I found it hard to witness what a dysfunctional relationship Jim had with his Chinese Grandmaster. He was the first Chinese I ever met. Jim constantly complained about the Grandmaster’s demands. I told Jim that I can’t watch any longer him being a slave to his master and that I quit our relationship.
Jim’s Chinese Kung Fu Teacher, Grandmaster Doo Wai, came always first. The Grandmaster constantly demanded money. Jim had a few students coming to his apartment for classes. Whenever the Grandmaster called to bring him money, Jim had to make the 45 minute drive to Escondido on his old motorbike. Jim made money for the Grandmaster by selling the information from Doo Wai to martial arts students. In return he got either an herbal formula or a videotape with the Grandmaster demonstrating a form. Jim also had to provide the Grandmaster with marijuana and penicillin, on a regular basis.
However, a week after my breakup Jim came and promised to be more reliable.
Janet in her generosity offered that Jim can drive her old car if I pay the car insurance. So Jim and I went on an overnight trip to Salton Sea in the high desert and stayed there in a motel. Jim wanted to show me the ¼ acre that he had bought there years ago in planning for his retirement. He already had paid off half of the $9,000 mortgage. I was quite shocked by the idea of living there, breathing in hot and terribly stinking air from the artificial lake. But I buried a crystal on the lot anyway.
I must say, despite of all the culture shocks I got it was the happiest year of my life! It was exciting to step as an explorer into a brand-new reality in a new country with a new language, new people of a different culture, new food, new money, different behavior, different climate, and so on.
I decided that when my year in America was over I wanted to come back out of love for Jim. and to start our life together.
The time arrived when Janet and Bruce and Jim and I went out for a last dinner. As a thank-you gift for our wonderful year together they gave me an envelope with $660 as a bonus.
The next day my dear host family and Jim brought me to the airport.
I returned to Germany in order to go through my affairs and to sell my belongings so that I have money for a new start in America. For several months I had diligently envisioned to sell my entire household for only $10,000 to somebody to move in my apartment. It happened exactly as I envisioned!
In April of 1991 some old friends brought me to the airport in Hamburg, Germany to say farewell to my homeland. As a surprise, even my ex-husband Matthias had come all the way from Southern Germany to say good bye to me at the airport in Hamburg.
So in April of 1991 I returned to San Diego as a tourist with $10,000 for a new beginning. Jim came with a student to pick me up from Los Angeles airport. We drove all the way down to San Diego.
Jim had a 1-bedroom apartment in the Normal Heights district.
Before flying back to Germany I had asked Jim to keep for me some of my clothing plus the envelope with the $660 bonus gift until I would be back in two months.
When I came back Jim said he gave the Grandmaster the money and received in return some priceless information that will make the money many times back.
Next the Grandmaster wanted Jim to bring him my $10,000 for the next level of the Iron Palm.
I was quite speechless and realized the level of power and control the Grandmaster had over Jim.
As the first thing we bought a Hyundai car for $2,800.
Then on April 15th of 1991 we rented a house in Golden Hills for $775, not far from my American family’s house. So I went there often to baby-sit little Kellen who was now three and a half. I loved visiting my American family. When Kellen was four they sent him to a martial arts school and Jim and I were invited when he got his first belt.
Three weeks after moving in we got burglarized. I had left the back window open, as I was used to do in Hamburg. We didn’t know that there was a drug rehabilitation house adjoining to the back. They stole all of Jim’s electronics and my jewelry.
So I paid for a new video recorder and video camera and had now only $1,000 left.
In all streets the nice houses were in the front and in the back were the two-story apartments, where the black people lived. I was shocked when I learned how racism was part of life. There were gang activities in the ally ways.
One night we woke up from a horrible explosion-like noise. We called the police and it turned out somebody had thrown a self-made bomb under our car.
Another culture shock for me….
Jim tried to get more private Kung Fu students to come to our house.
Grandmaster Doo Wai did not approve anything we did. “Jim, you will fail” was his constant remark. Sometimes somebody gave the Grandmaster a ride from Escondido to our home in San Diego and they filmed doing the forms on the beautiful wooden floor in our large living room. Of course the Great Grandmaster wanted hundreds more dollars for those tapes.
Jim and I married on August 1st of 1991.
There came no well wishes for our future from the Grandmaster.
Now began the time of dealing with all the authorities in order for me to become a legal resident.
One month later, on September 1st of 1991, we decided to start a business together. More visits to the authorities, filling out forms and paying hefty fees.
Jim named the business Mew Hing Productions, after Five Elder Monk Mew Hing, the founder of the Sup Bat Mo Jung Pai System.
Jim was on disability since age 18. A train accident left him with a fractured hip and the loss of his spleen, beside other injuries.
Altogether he spent 17 years in juvenile institutions, jails, prisons, mental institutions, and probation.
We didn’t know whether Jim was allowed to have a business and make money, so we put the business in my name. I had been a secretary in my first occupation and knew how to run an office.
We started our quarterly newsletter and snail-mailed it to several hundred martial artists.
Also, Jim had started in San Diego an annual martial arts show for the benefits of the homeless. It took a lot of time and effort to organize the show every August, get the rewards from the politicians, the trophies donated by a company, plus fast food donated, flyers created, etc.
Jim wrote a weekly column for the San Diego Navy Dispatch. He often used it as a creative outlet for trading; that is how we for example got a waterbed, a massage table for me, or ate for free at our favorite vegetarian restaurant.
Also, Jim wrote regular submissions for different martial arts magazines which required much preparation, picture taking, herb buying, etc. without ever getting paid.
My letter to the Great Grandmaster
The situation with the Grandmaster had escalated to the point that I was ready to go back to Germany.
I had come to this country as a self-confident, emancipated woman. The Grandmaster’s abusive interference in our relationship had become intolerable to me. When he came to our house in Juniper Street he kept saying to Jim – in my presence, “Jim, you are not the man in the house!”
On October 22th of 1991 Jim had to pick up a gun from somebody in San Diego and bring it to the Grandmaster in Escondido. It could have gotten Jim into prison.
I didn’t want to live in such close proximity to a person without any morals whom I – if I were on my own – would not want to have in my life.
So on October 25th of 1991 I wrote a letter to Grandmaster Doo Wai, asking him unequivocally to give us some breathing space so that our marriage has priority, otherwise I will leave my husband, for I would not have agreed to Doo Wai’s demands of providing for his livelihood.
I wrote that I am not comfortable with his constant interference in our lives, his constant demands of more money, his calling day and night, his threats that he will commit suicide. I wrote that I do not like that he month after month puts emotional pressure on Jim by telling him that he cannot pay his rent, or that he has not eaten anything in four days. And other psycho terror….
After mailing the letter out to the Grandmaster, I gave Jim a copy so that he got to know its content.
As expected, the fact that I had the audacity to write such a letter was more than Doo Wai could handle.
So the Great Grandmaster called and told Jim that he will ruin his life and career in return for my letter.
Of course Jim was scared because he knew that Doo Wai was capable of destroying his career as a martial artist.
I found my letter justified for it forced Jim to stop playing slave to his master and stand up for our marriage rights. Especially since Jim constantly complained about how badly the Grandmaster treated him. My letter provided the opportunity for Jim to cut the unhealthy bond and establish his own career. He obviously had gone through years of abuse from the Grandmaster and worked hard for becoming a Grandmaster himself.
After I wrote the letter to the Grandmaster I tried anything possible to smooth things out again. I wrote Christmas cards, send him wishes at the Chinese holidays, etc.
Jim was contacted by Christina, a German woman who wanted to market healing meditations. She also marketed the Kombucha tea fungus and helped it to gain popularity. So I made Kombucha tea for many years and offered it to all students and guests, and sold a number of them over the years.
Jim told the Grandmaster about Christina and Doo Wai wished to be connected with Christina. A week later Doo Wai informed Jim that he sold one of the five systems to Christina and that Jim can get sued if he sells anything that she now has.
That was a typical story of how Doo Wai stabbed Jim in the back.
But to be just I also must mention that there were times when Doo Wai and Jim actually performed together. At those occasions I loved to watch how much coherence there was between them when doing the moves. I could feel it that they were age-old buddies. Or when they were having a good time talking over the phone for hours.
The Great Grandmaster had made Jim the Archivist to preserve the Five Elder System.
For that role Jim seemed to accept his place in the Chinese mafia-style pecking order.
At one time Jim had a student who was a distributor for high-quality water filters. So the student traded water filters for classes and forms. After awhile everybody was interested in those great water filters. The Grandmaster also got involved and traded them.
Of course Jim tried to make a martial artist out of me, but I only liked the moving meditations. I am a peace maker to the core of my being and I had difficulties watching all those martial arts guys with their infighting, their politics, their inflated egos, their enemy thinking and gangster-type of a Grandmaster.
The Grandmaster only occasionally taught Jim any forms, only when he brought him larger amounts of money. I wondered why Doo Wai the teacher usually only handed out a video tape to Jim, his student. Many times Jim came back with an empty tape, or a movie video that Doo Wai unsuccessfully had tried to overplay. Jim always hoped to have later on the time to actually learn the form himself and film himself doing it. However, out of this dilemma Jim developed his home study method.
The Panther Tapes story
Starting in 1993 I got to witness American capitalism in action. I watched closeup how the big fish eat the small fish, with no ethics and no morals. It was another culture shock to watch how the martial artists in position of corporate power treated and exploited other martial artists.
Everything ended to our disadvantage. Jim had no more control over the information in the Panther Tapes. He was not even allowed to sell it, Panther owned it. Two times we got a royalty check of about $500. Then they announced that Panther Productions got sold to a larger company called “21st Century”. They offered $1,000 to pay Jim out. When he asked what other options he has, they responded that he has none, other that they would take him off the catalog altogether.
Two producers came to our house in San Diego for the first series of Panther Tapes. Over a year later they came for another series to our home in Jacumba, about one hour East of San Diego.
When Grandmaster Doo Wai learned about the planned Panther Production video tape series he contacted Panther Productions in another attempt to ruin Jim’s life. He announced that Jim Lacy is a fraud and has never been his student, and so on. With that additional back stabbing from Doo Wai there was nothing Jim could do. These Panther Tapes now belonged to 21st Century Company and Jim got cheated out of them; I think 17 tapes altogether.
The Herb Shop
Mister Wang and his son Ohn were the owners of the Chinese herb shop in San Diego where we regularly went. I loved going there, for I never before had met Chinese people. I watched over the years how impossible it normally is to get closer to them, for they hide behind that artificial smiling and bowing. But Jim loved people, he could start a conversation with everybody. The herb selling for Dit Da Jow liniment for hand conditioning for the iron palm training was part of our business. When we started Mew Hing Productions in 1991 Jim began giving Mister Wang and his family red envelopes with silver dollars. After 25 years they must have quite a nice collection of silver dollars from Jim Lacy.
Jim asked son Ohn to break down the herbal formulas, with the Chinese, Latin and English names. Jim had a thousand Chinese formulas. He bought them to fill, broke them down, photographed them, and put them in books. He also used them for his herb articles for the magazine. Over twenty years Jim and Ohn worked together breaking down Chinese herbal formulas.
What we loved the most while living in San Diego for 3.5 years was doing the moving meditation “Sparrow descending to its Perch” in La Jolla on our favorite beach spot or in Balboa Park. Back then we were the only ones doing something like that and quite often people afterward came and wanted to know more about it.
Buying a home in Jacumba near the Mexican Border
After 3.5 years the quality of life had gone down dramatically in our neighborhood in San Diego. It was stressful living. There were now more gang activities in the alley ways. A coffee shop opened across the street, which brought heavy traffic and pollution.
Jim had already enough long-distance students with whom he interacted through video exchange and video certification. We had been able to pay our rent every month and we wanted to pursue the American Dream of buying a piece of land with a home. We wanted to get away from the city stress and live healthier. Since we were so poor, our only option was to find an old fixer-upper house in a rural area.
I detected the property in Jacumba; it was a double-wide trailer on 2.5 acres, 1.5 miles from the Mexican border. For Jim this was a few sizes too big for our humble livelihood, but eventually we were able to buy it for $76,500; financing through the owner at 10% interest. The double-wide trailer in the middle of 2.5 acres was spacious, but totally run-down.
We moved there in September of 1994. It felt heavenly to live surrounded by Nature.
After having to deal in the past with all the obstacles thrown in our way by the Grandmaster, we suddenly experienced amazing windfalls.
A medical doctor who had a cancer clinic in Texas contacted Jim to buy the cancer-curing Five Elder formula. He was very excited that he discovered the herbal part of White Tiger Kung Fu. He made it possible to start our American Dream by paying us $5,000 for the down-payment of our home in Jacumba. The doctor and his family came to visit us in Jacumba. I’ll never forget our hike towards the border with this wonderful family and their adorable son.
Jim decided to use the opportunity of having such an affluent student to make another attempt of reconciliation with the Grandmaster. He contacted Doo Wai and announced that the doctor is interested to meet the Great Grandmaster in person.
First Jim and I visited the Grandmaster in Escondido as a gesture of burying the hatchet and reconcile.
Since I knew how important gift-giving in Chinese culture is, I brought him a beautiful Quan Yin stature. Jim received the large golden fan and we seemingly were friends, or so we thought.
At the end of 1994, shortly after we settled in our double-wide trailer Jim got a computer from a new student. The student came to visit us and set the computer up for Jim. We were able to put some money into renovating our home. I needed to paint the dark-brown walls four-times to change the energy of the house. We bought new carpet. I spent the following two years feathering our nest. I finished the work of the handyman, whom we had hired to enclose the porch into a sun room.
A year later we went to the big computer convention in San Diego where they introduced Windows 95. From that early time on Jim participated in the Internet, even though in the country side it was very expensive to go online.
I fulfilled my childhood dream of having my own swing in my yard. (smile)
Also, I created – with a handyman – a shrine built of quartzite as my meditation place. I loved being the steward of our land and performed regular ceremonies at the equinox and solstice. And of course I gridded the land with crystals for protection.
The neighbors always had lots of problems with illegal immigrants, homeless people, border agents, and also weather problems with mini tornadoes who took the roofs off their houses. But we never were affected directly by any of these problems, we only were surrounded by them.
For my 50th birthday Jim gave me a computer.
For my 53rd birthday on January 1st of 2000, at the New Millennium, I got a website, built by Jim’s first webmaster Darren Hanson. (www.KarinLLightworker.com)
Followed by the hate of the Grandmaster
Ever since I wrote the earlier mentioned letter to Doo Wai in 1991, he run his smear campaign against Jim Lacy until his (Doo Wai’s) own death. Within the twenty years there were several reconciliation events, initiated by Jim and inspired by me.
After the reconcilation in 1994, Doo Wai spread the message that Jim Lacy announced to destroy Grandmaster Doo Wai.
When Doo Wai later also got on the Internet he started by spreading that Jim Lacy had died. Imagine that! But then, a couple years later, Grandmaster Doo Wai created an entire website for the slandering of Jim Lacy.
In the past I never visited any of those trash sites where the followers of Doo Wai spread their lies about Jim Lacy. When I recently googled for info I came across some forums where they badmouth Jim Lacy. Those are the ones from the Doo Wai faction.
Somebody even writes comments who is claiming to be Jim Lacy.
I remember some of the names of these students, who first came to us. I served all of them Kombucha tea before they turned into “traitors” and went over to the Great Grandmaster’s territory. He sure welcomed them for use in his next attack on Jim Lacy.
As I am writing this memorial I am well aware that Doo Wai was what nowadays is widely known as a “Psychopath”. The Psychopath’ main traits are incapability of feeling empathy with others, no moral or ethical values, no conscience as the innate compass of what is right and wrong. unforgiving and resentful, dishonest and ruthless; bossy in dealing with others. For example, Jim did all the preparation work for the annual martial arts show and the Grandmaster comes and takes the micro and made himself the center of the show in cult leader style.
Beside Jim Doo Wai had other students. He either did not introduce them to each other, or played them out against each other, depending on how it served him. We can assume that he kept with each of his students that same abusive master-slave relationship of exploiting them to the max.
The Grandmaster called those who did not want to stay with him “traitors”. It always amused me, since to me the word “traitor” was vocabulary from the middle ages or from medieval knight movies.
On the other hand, those of Jim’s students who ran over to the Grandmaster’s faction, were not traitors. Well, Jim and I always knew what was ahead for them.
From the beginning I realized that Jim’s unhealthy relationship with his Chinese teacher indicated a heavily loaded karmic debt relationship. I received from spirit that they were repeating and acting out old and unresolved patterns from their many Asian lifetimes together. Doo Wai was Fung Do Duk, and Jim was Mew Hing, the crippled one with the bad hip. The rest of the Five Elders came to gather as well, they all wanted to meet at this time. Their mission was to introduce and spread the martial arts to the Western world, to introduce Chinese culture to the West.
Of course I wanted to be instrumental in their karmic healing work, if needed, yet not be pulled in.
Grandmaster Doo Wai went after Hollywood contacts. As the Bruce Lee movies led to the genre of martial arts movies in Hollywood real Chinese were sought after as consultants, stuntmen and extras. Doo Wai wanted to be an insider and pose with Hollywood celebrities.
I vividly remember when Jim had to bring a larger amount of money to Doo Wai, and he got in return an old looking small bottle with some Did Da Jow from Fung Do Duk, from the sixteen hundreds. I couldn’t help but laugh.
What a master of switching timelines Fung Do Duk was!
Connecting with his family
One day Jim’s daughter Harmony called from the post office in Jacumba, asking whether she can stop by, together with her friend and her friend’s infant. I was delighted and thrilled for I always wished for Jim to reunite with his family, especially with his two children. Jim did not bring up his children. While he was in prison his wife married another man. When his daughter was 15 she wanted to live with him. However, Jim declined since he smoked marijuana and was afraid that she could get him into prison for life.
Jim first did not want to meet his daughter. He was afraid of being drawn into old family dramas. He was seen as the black sheep and outcast and didn’t expect any good coming out of it.
But I always said that for anybody on a spiritual path it is essential to come to terms with one’s mother and father, and other blood relatives.
So I just stepped in and opened my arms and my heart wide and welcomed them into our home. And the ice was broken!
Next Harmony arranged for her brother Michael to call Jim. I forgot the year son Michael stopped by overnight with his girlfriend on their trip to South America. Now that father and children were reunited we all managed to arrange a phone call between Jim and his 71-year old mother. She had disowned her son at age 18 and not seen him since then.
That is why I had wished so much for a reunion between my husband and his mother, especially since I knew how much his blood family meant to him. So it was Jim’s son and me, and the fairies of the Universe, who were instrumental in the reunion between Jim and his Mom. It was on July 15 of 2000 that my husband called his mother in San Francisco, an unforgettable event. His Mom was willing to accept the telephone contact with her son. At age 71, she was recovering from a stroke.
I loved hearing Jim chatting in the porch from his cell phone, speaking with his Mom in San Francisco and making her laugh. He couldn’t get enough saying the word “Mom” and he would have loved to call his mother often and talk endlessly about the family. Being not the loving, motherly type she wished to keep the calls rather short. Not once did she give Jim a call.
Jim wanted to share with his mother how gloriously he had turned his life around. He would have loved telling his Mom about all his humanitarian work in San Diego as his way of giving back to society; and that he even got a day in his name from the San Diego mayor. Despite of his bad hip he had become a well known martial artist, with students on every continent.
He had sent his Mom all his martial arts tapes published by Panther Productions, but from his Mom came not much praising for his accomplishments. Since Frances kept the contact with her son rather short, I decided to stay out altogether and instead maintain my own family contacts.
Jim called his mother for 3.5 years until her death in December 2003; a lifetime of healing was accomplished.
When Jim’s two children first visited us Jim and I were playing with the idea how wonderful it would be if they would want to move here on our land and we would build dome houses and greenhouses and co-create as a community and bring others in as well. There was such great potential for healing….
As Jim got more long-distance students and our financial situation improved, we enjoyed being prosperous for a few years and I indulged in gift giving.
To deepen the bond with his closest students we sent them gifts for Christmas, as well as to Jim’s relatives and my own family in Germany. We often sent flowers to Jim’s Mom.
Over the years it turned out Jim’s son and daughter did not want to have their father in their lives nor did they want their own children to know their grandfather. Alas, it was a sad reality, but a fact of life.
Immediately after 9-11 homeland security took over the quiet border area and turned it into a war zone with agents patrolling on off-road vehicles, flood lights at night, helicopters flying so low that our trailer rattled, new check points were built. Large invasions of immigrants came over the border, causing many problems for the local population. I described life in the back country in my Open Letter to San Diego Council Woman Donna Frye:
Additionally there were problems with our next door neighbors.
They intentionally dragged the dirt road dividing our properties every week to demonstrate that they do what they want to, raising a huge cloud of desert dust sweeping over our trailer, causing problems with our electronic equipment, plus we having to breathe the dust. When we asked them to water the road according to the county regulations before any dragging. they said that they won’t do that for us.
But Jim was a people person, who was always looking to negotiate and mediate and look for peaceful solutions. When Jim walked over to the neighbors to talk to them in person they shouted to leave or they will shot him.
A couple days later the neighbor announced that he wants to meet Jim at the library in Jacumba. I could feel that something eerie was in the air and asked Jim not to go. But he insisted.
When Jim arrived at the Jacumba library the neighbor, named Jim too, was already there and he shouted at Jim, “You are a child molester!” He expected Jim to start attacking him and in defense he would pull his gun out of his jacket and kill Jim. There was no child around anywhere far and wide, so Jim must have comprehended the situation in a split second. He said quietly, “We are three here right now, you and I, and Jesus. Jesus wants us to make peace. Obviously the preacher in Jim came to the fore and he somehow calmed the neighbor down and they had a long talk.
It was a miracle how Jim was able to turn the dangerous situation around. From then on the two Jim’s had their occasional neighborly chats over the fence and Jim always told the other Jim that Jesus was there with them.
Jim was a person of great faith in Jesus. The Urantia Book was his bible, one third of the book is about the life of Jesus. I could not befriend myself with the Urantia Book, it was not “my cup of tea”.
We always went together to town. We were popular, especially at the health food supermarket. The cashiers competed to have us in their checkout line, for we always chatted and knew everybody by first name.
Jim liked to brag about his successes, but couldn’t understand why not everybody liked it. He simply was proud of his accomplishments and how far he had come.
Jim loved weightlifting. It was his hobby. Since he had a bad hip and limped he used weightlifting to balance his weaker lower body by creating upper body strength. He was very disciplined, also in his meditations.
Jim’s Cat Timmy
When I met Jim in 1990 I also met his 2-year old cat Timmy. Jim and Timmy were inseparable, they were like Siamese twins. Timmy could sit for hours on Jim’s lap and stare into his eyes and adore him.
Timmy was our child. We both remembered Timmy being with us in other lifetimes. When we moved to Jacumba I took him often on a leash to walk the parameters of our 2.5 acre land. We had to keep him as an indoor cat because of the rattle snakes and coyotes. As a snow-white cat he would not have survived one night in the desert. Timmy was a happy cat and never got sick. He was with us in our bed when he died at age 18 on his own in a natural way. We buried him on our land next to my shrine.
I felt more and more like a foreign body in Jacumba. I could not make any friends in all these years, not even find a female hiking companion. But I had wildlife friends, such as the Raven couple that lived in our yard and I helped feed their offspring.
I also was befriended with a wild coyote, “Coyote Mom”. I fed her wet dog food every day. When I walked the parameters of our land Coyote Mom walked with me, exactly seven feet next to me. She did not want to be tamed, but she loved to lay under the tree close to my window, where I could see her. At one time she was gone for several weeks and suddenly showed up with a cub. We were friends for six years, until the neighbors shot her with four shoots. It was another omen for me to leave Jacumba.
Again and again I suggested that we move away and buy a better place, away from the Homeland Security war zone, away from the Mexican border and from the desert heat. But Jim insisted that we must be committed to the land and the mortgage.
I had put all my energy into growing our business. I thought once everything is on a firm foundation I can focus on my own goals, not just hobby-style, but fully step into my Life’s mission as a Lightworker, for that is why I was guided to come to America. Our marriage relationship became more and more co-dependent and dysfunctional. I could not assert myself in his powerful presence.
Leaving my Husband and Living Openly as a Lightworker
In December of 2005 Jim’s cousin Angela came to visit. They had not seen each other in thirty years. I asked Angela that I may come with her to live in the Ashram in Sonoma where she presently resided in retreat.
I received much healing in the Sonoma Ashram. I stayed there for five months. The guru was very kind to me. He connected me with his friend, a lawyer in Garberville/Humboldt County, who allowed me to stay at his house to write my long-envisioned book “Potty Training for Indigo Children – Cannabis,Marijuana, Hemp for Medicine, Enlightenment, and Abundant Resources for the 21st Century”.
Later I moved in a rental place with garden in Garberville where I could grow marijuana.
I was in email contact with Jim. At harvest time I was able to pay off my credit card and other debts. Also, from then on I sent Jim his medicine every month and he in return sent me some money. We supported each other this way for ten years.
In 2007 I divorced Jim to be fully self-sufficient. As a married, but separated woman I would have gotten $250 less social security benefits. Also, Jim’s business was now freed from paying social security for me.
In summer of 2007 I moved to Chico, where people helped me to get on food stamps.
Before I reached the age of 62 I applied for SSI disability, and then for early retirement, as well as from Germany, and went through this very stressful time of dealing with government institutions.
My worst fear had been that I may end up as a homeless senior woman. Once I received monthly retirement money I found that I had made it; a huge burden of anxiety was lifted from my shoulders.
Jim and I became close friends and we talked about selling his property and moving up here in the North were life is easier than in the desert, it’s green here and there is water. Land is cheaper here and there is no border with all its problems.
But Jim wanted to first pay off his mortgage, his car, and his credit cards. That was what his life was all about: paying the bills and counting the months down to the day when he would be debt-free. Only then would he want to sell the property and relocate.
So that was the red thread throughout the last ten years, his yearning for the day he would be debt-free.
After Jim made the last of the 15-year mortgage payments, the middleman company cheated several thousand dollars more out of him by suddenly claiming he missed one early payment. Next the former owner did not give Jim the original property papers to declare him the owner. He had to go to the authorities to involve them, which took another half a year.
Jim always wished for a long life and regularly declared with great conviction that the next half of our lives will be easier. We agreed that there must be more to the American Dream. Jim was lonely and overburdened in Jacumba. It all was too much for one person to deal with.
Three years ago, after he had a stroke, he talked about writing his will. I always brushed the talk off by saying, “why talking about the will if you want to live a long life? Let’s talk about your will in twenty years.”
Back then Jim told me that son Michael had called and Jim told him over the phone about his will and that Michael will inherit nothing, and that Michael hung up. And there was another year or two of silence between them.
When I moved to Mount Shasta I learned that land is cheap North of the mountain. I did much research and shared it with Jim. I sent him links with pictures of the 2.5 acre lots of raw land for $4,500 that I liked. We could set up two prefabricated small houses, and support each other and live a smaller version of our old vision of a dome village community.
When Jim died he had only two more car payments and three more credit card payments to make.
He literally worked himself to death.
I don’t want to miss to mention Jim’s dog Olive.
Jim always wanted to have an English pit bull dog, but we had a cat for 18 years.
On Christmas Eve of 2011 a Jacumba resident brought Jim a five-year old English pit bull terrier. The family in Jacumba dissolved and they needed to get rid of the dog.
Jim told me that he took Olive along the parameters of the 2.5 acres property to show her the boundaries of her territory. He said that she not once ran away, even though the fence had many spots to get out.
Olive was Jim’s best friend for three years. He took her everywhere he went.
As I said at the beginning, when Jim suddenly died in his house the dog and parakeet were in there. Olive must have sat for 12 days next to her dead master. The medical examiner told me that they let the bird fly and brought the dog to the neighbor.
I do not know whether Olive is still alive or son Michael let the neighbor bring her to the pound to be put asleep.